A few weeks ago, a Liberian told me that he’d prefer a girl to wear waist beads rather than ankle beads. His reason was that waist beads are sexy and men are generally sexually attracted to them. Quite a harmless statement, right? I mean, it’s just the guy’s preference. Long story short, the conversation ended with me being very irritated and mad. Why? Simple. He wasn’t just stating his preference; he was doing what had been done before: deciding what a girl should do with her body. Even in such an evolved world, the Liberian society still dictates to women how to live their lives, especially when it comes to what they wear. Most Liberian (yes, you too, women) think women should wear what society deems necessary and appropriate (we are all guilty of this, even me).
I’ve had numerous conversations with women who dress a certain way, not because they want to but because they are scared of being judged based on their physical appearance. Women are stuck in this bubble where we pretend to be people different from whom we aspire to be. Dressing up is a form of self-expression and display of identity. Therefore, dictating how women should dress in itself limits self-expression, limiting freedom of speech (and yet we claim to be for freedom of speech). Someone may argue that a person’s dress style may be influenced by their religion, economic background, or tradition. Therefore, people’s choice of clothing is not entirely up to them. While that may be true, it becomes a problem when that person is being forced to wear something because of their faith. Those factors exist but having the choice to say no to them is what female empowerment is about.
There are many talks about women’s empowerment and the elimination of gender roles in Liberia; conferences are held where issues surrounding the topic are discussed. However, the patriarchy continues to prevail. It is seen in, for example, the number of leadership positions held by women in the country. The lack of quality education for young girls across the country, traditional values and norms, and gender roles are the primary reasons the patriarchy continues to survive. However, based on the experiences and conversations I’ve had with boys in Liberia (conversations mostly about the patriarchy), I’ve come to notice the role of something relatively minor yet significant in the fight against the patriarchy: the family.
The family is where we learn our first skills, morals, and values that help us survive in the larger society and become people who will, in turn, become productive members of the community. While children learn skills, values, and ethics from other places later on in life, such as school, work, and friends, the family is the first place where they gain a sense of morality and what is considered right and wrong. At a tender age, the patriarchy is taught to boys and girls alike through the family. Girls are taught to cook and clean not because these are essential life skills but because they won’t get married if they can’t, reducing their worth to whether they are married or not.
Boys, on the other hand, are taught that they are the head, decision-makers. This process of ensuring that the patriarchy continues happens subconsciously; many parents do not even realize the gravity of their actions and what they teach their children. Thus, the result is adults who claim to be for female empowerment but the little things they do or say prove otherwise. Saying you’re for women is one thing, but are you teaching your sons that cooking is an essential life skill or that it’s a woman’s responsibility? Are your judgments clouded when it comes to situations involving men because “boys will always be boys” but very clear and strict when it involves women or girls? These little things that we normalize in our families will determine the state of the patriarchy in Liberia.
As Liberians, we often think of the patriarchy as this big abstract thing that only activists can solve. Others claim it’s not their problem, and for some, it doesn’t exist. Their argument? We elected Africa’s first female president. Hence, even though only one female candidate participated in the last presidential elections in 2017 and got only 0.75% of the total votes in the country, we are for women. Unlike some countries, women have the right to vote and freely participate in politics in Liberia, but does this make us champions of women empowerment and gender equality? Not quite. The fight against the patriarchy goes beyond making laws to protect women’s rights (even though half of them are never enforced); the battle starts in our various homes. What are we teaching the children through our little actions and words? Is it that mommy and their sister are responsible for cleaning or that a clean environment is everyone’s responsibility?